Failtastic

Yes, this is the most failtastic blog in the history of blogs. I want to come on here and say, "Promise, from now on I will post at least once a week", but I feel like I will fail at that and then be too embarrassed to come back and blog more.

But, then again, I doubt anyone is reading anyway.

Summer is...interesting. Some things I have really enjoyed, like spending tons of time with my friends and family. I miss the freedom I get with being at school, though. I also really miss my mock trial family. And, let's be honest, college is a clean slate and my hometown is kind of tainted by all the memories of my "past life". Some of those memories are awesome, but in general, I don't see it the way I used to. Maybe that will get better with time.

Something I've really been struggling with lately is change. Then again, I'm always struggling with change. Here's the problem I have with it: I CAN'T COPE! I don't like change. It scares me. It leaves too much to chance. I hate when my circumstances change, when people change, and I hate to think that I have changed.

I'm the girl who goes to a restaurant, finds one thing she likes, and then orders it ever time. I'm notorious for saying,"I have something I like! Why change it if I know I like this? If I try something else, I might hate it and be really mad at myself for not getting what I always get!"

Someone told me recently that I'm much different than I used to be; that I'm not as happy and carefree as I used to be. I brushed it aside and said "I haven't changed!" But inside I started saying "Oh, no. I'm not the person I used to be. I liked the person I used to be! I want to stay that person! I was planning on being that person forever!"

Then I realized something. I will never be the best that I can be if I just stay the person I was at 17 or 18.

So, I've decided it's time for a change. Time to let myself change because I trust that God knows what He's doing and that I'm only going to become a better version of me. I've decided to not write people off because they are completely different from me because they could be some of the best friends I have ever had. I've decided to go new places and try things that I'm not sure I'll like (like contra dancing, which I am in LOVE with) because it could be my new favorite thing, I've decided to leave behind those memories and thoughts that have haunted me for so long because, guess what? Those changes have already happened and me trying to hold onto things that don't exist anymore is ridiculous.

I've decided to order something other than fetticini alfredo next time I go out to eat. Oh, yeah.